Oct. 10, 2016 "A New You": I cut out this article by Courtney Shea on Apr. 11, 2015 in the Globe and Mail:
Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives
By Gretchen Rubin
Doubleday Canada, 320 pages, $29.95
The Time of Your Life: Choosing a Vibrant, Joyful Future
By Margaret Trudeau
Harper Avenue, 320 pages, $32.99
Like many a sporadically driven, bandwagon-mounting, frequently frazzled individual, I was really obsessed with The Happiness Project, the 2009 self-help bible that sold 1.5 million copies, spent 107 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and turned its author Gretchen Rubin into a celebrated happiness evangelist.
For that book, Rubin – a former lawyer and political scribe – spent a year making herself a happier, more deeply satisfied person, devoting each month to a different area of focus including personal relationships, new hobbies, contemplating the heavens and boosting energy.
Reading the chapter on household decluttering was a borderline-pornographic experience. I raced through, reread, underlined. Afterwards, I lent my copy to my sisters and my mom.
Soon, we were discussing our own personal “Happiness Projects” over e-mail. We would master new skills, pay bills, read widely, do more yoga, eat less junk and so on.
For Christmas, my sister even bought us each our very own Happiness Project-branded “gratitude journal” – a Rubin-endorsed ritual where you take just a minute at the end of each day to record something that made you happy. The teenage-diary-sized logs are sky-blue and sun-yellow, which is how being a soldier in Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Army made me feel – full of light, optimistic, high on possibility.
And then those rah-rah feelings passed.
I returned to my previous existence as a lower-case-happy person (one who eats too many chips and still hasn’t mastered the art of timely thank-you notes). To this day I get a twinge of guilt when I see the gratitude journal idling on my bookshelf. It has room for five years worth of entries. I don’t think I made it past five days.
The problem is that I failed to turn my happiness-enabling behaviours into happiness-enabling habits, which are our regular and often automatic actions – the (good and bad) things we do with little or no consideration.
They are also the subjects of Rubin’s latest self-help text, Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives. Twice-daily tooth brushing is a habit. So is time-sucking Internet surfing and using (or never using) the snooze button on your alarm. Habits, Rubin says, are the tent poles of our existence – since 40 per cent of our behaviours are repeated daily, she reasons that by changing our habits, we can change our lives.
Of course, if habit formation were that simple, my gratitude journal would contain almost five years worth of daily jubilation. So what determines our habitual behaviour (and why are some people so much better at maintaining good habits than others)?
Early on, Rubin zeroes in on her key revelation, which is that different personality types are inspired to adopt and keep habits for different reasons.
She is an “Upholder,” meaning she responds to both internal and external expectations.
“Questioners” will only meet expectations (i.e., keep habits) if they believe them to be justified,
“Obligers” do things because other people expect them to
and “Rebels” resist expectations of any kind.
These are the “Four Tendencies,” Rubin says, presenting her theory as a giant “aha!” (when, in fact, it feels like a giant – well, duh).
She isn’t wrong, per se. It’s just that few of us need to read 250-plus pages to figure out whether we are motivated by external judgment, whether we are larks versus night owls, whether we can eat tempting foods on special occasions or never.
If The Happiness Project was a journey of self-discovery, Better Than Before feels more like being in the constant company of the friend who asks – are you really going to eat that?
Rubin explains how writing itself has become a strictly enforced habit – every day she walks to the public library to escape the Internet and put words on the page.
This mechanical technique explains her prolific output over the past few years – she updates her happiness blog six times a week and released a second self-help title (Happier at Home) in 2012.
It might also explain why what once felt fresh now feels rote and maybe even recycled – all habit, no heart.
It’s a criticism that could be lobbied more broadly at the entire self-help genre, a giant juggernaut of an industry that has become as parody-worthy as it is profitable.
To wit: Last month the comedian and performance artist Jeff Wysaski planted a series of satirical self-help dust jackets on the shelves at an L.A. bookstore. The faux titles – So Your Son Is a Centaur, How to Dress … Yourself and The Beginner’s Guide to Human Sacrifice – were deliberately absurd, and yet not so different from the sort of thing you might find in the bloated “personal improvement” section at your local bookstore.
Hot new self-help offerings from just the last month include
Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself and Start Loving Yourself;
The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over;
and Take Off Your Pants! (a guide to good writing, which sounds a lot more exciting than it is).
No matter the ailment, issue, insecurity or imperfection, there is almost certainly a self-help book telling you how to fix it. (And another one telling you to do the exact opposite.)
With little focus on credentials and such a low bar to entry, anyone can position themselves as a self-styled self-help expert, and lately it feels like anyone is.
Just this week, in fact, rock musician Alanis Morissette announced plans to release a self-help book-slash-memoir later in the year. It’s part of a growing book trend wherein celebs dole out life wisdom along with personal anecdotes.
Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned” is an example of how this can go (mostly) right.
Last month’s The Natty Professor: A Master Class on Mentoring, Motivating and Making It Work! (an utterly useless offering from Project Runway’s Tim Gunn), is the exact opposite.
Margaret Trudeau’s new book Time of Your Life: Choosing a Vibrant, Joyful Future falls somewhere in between. After spending more than two decades “living in the now,” Trudeau says she woke one day to find she was not a carefree flower child any more, but in fact a 65-year-old woman.
A bad ski accident, the loss of her mother and a close friend’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis caused her to take stock of her life, both where she was at and where she is going.
Her conclusion, that if she wanted to enjoy the so-called “third chapter” – a term coined by the age- and gravity-defying Jane Fonda – she was going to have to get real about getting old.
“Our youth-oriented society does not have a clearly defined place for the older woman,” Trudeau writes, noting that by 2036, one in four Canadians will be over 65. She shares personal reflections on successful aging, along with stories from friends and notable females (ex-Home Depot Canada CEO Annette Verschuren, Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi).
There is plenty of straightforward advice (on banking, on grandparenting, on sex over 60), and just enough Trudeau-type gossip (the time that Gloria Steinem sent a copy of Ms. Magazine to 24 Sussex, upsetting Pierre).
The book raises important issues around feminism, ageism and the direction our society must take to address the coming grey revolution. And to be fair, Trudeau is a well-known public figure, a competent storyteller and a passionate social advocate. If lending her voice to this important cause prompts discourse, then that is undoubtedly a good thing. It’s just not clear what qualifies her to lead the discussion.
You could argue the same thing about Gretchen Rubin. Before she published The Happiness Project, Rubin clerked for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. A while back, when Rubin asked her former boss about her own happiness philosophy, O’Connor said that the key is three simple words: “work worth doing.” It’s a mantra the self-help industry could probably stand to revisit.
Sept. 28, 2022 My opinion: I always like self- development and psychology. I have increased the interest since 2015 when I started signing up and listening to these free online event series from life coaches, therapists, and other experts on how to improve your mental and physical health.
Feb. 5, 2018 "Attitude is a powerful mental tool": Today I found this article by Linda Blair in the Edmonton Journal:
Last year, a little girl was born at Glenfield Hospital in Leicester with her heart outside her body. This is a rare condition known as ectopia cordis. Few babies with this condition survive, and those who do must endure numerous operations and are likely to have complex needs.
When her mother was interviewed three weeks after her daughter’s birth and asked if she was prepared for what might be a daunting task caring for her, she answered without hesitation that, as far as she was concerned, this would be a “privilege”.
Rarely has there been a better example of the power of attitude, one of our most powerful psychological tools. Our attitudes allow us to turn mistakes into opportunities, loss into the chance for new beginnings.
An attitude is a settled way of thinking, feeling and/or behaving towards particular objects, persons, events or ideologies.
We use our attitudes to filter, interpret and react to the world around us.
You weren’t born with particular attitudes. They’re all learned, and this happens in a number of ways. The most powerful influences occur during early childhood and include both what happened to you directly and what those around you did and said in your presence.
As you acquire an increasingly nuanced identity, your attitudes are further refined by the deportment of those with whom you identify –
your family,
those of your gender
and culture,
and the people you admire, even though you may not know them personally.
Friendships and other important relationships become increasingly important, particularly during adolescence.
About that same time and throughout adulthood, the information you receive, especially when ideas are repeated in association with goals and achievements you find attractive, also refine your attitudes – something advertisers and politicians know well.
Many people assume that our attitudes are internally consistent, that is, the way you think and feel about someone or something predicts your behaviour towards them.
However, Harris Chaiklin at the University of Maryland has looked at a number of studies and found that feelings and thoughts don’t necessarily predict behaviour.
In general, your attitudes will be internally consistent only when the behaviour is easy, and when those around you hold similar beliefs. That’s why, for example, many people say they believe in the benefits of recycling or taking exercise, but don’t behave in line with their expressed views.
It takes awareness, effort and courage to go beyond merely stating you believe something is a good idea, and also acting in line with your beliefs.
In fact, one of the most effective ways to change an attitude is to start by behaving as if you already feel and think in the ways you’d prefer to feel and think.
Take some time this week to reflect on your attitudes, to think about what you believe and why.
Is there anything you might do well to consider a privilege rather than a burden?
If so, start behaving – right now – as if that is the case.
• Linda Blair is a clinical psychologist and author of Siblings: How to Handle Rivalry and Create Lifelong Loving Bonds. To order for £10.99, call 0844 871 1514, or visit books.telegraph.co.uk
Here are the other 2 blog posts this week:
"Better.com CEO fires 900 employees over Zoom"/ "'It was callous,' says man laid off with 900 employees on Zoom call"
"Come together: How to integrate your time between work, family and leisure"/ "What if it were against the law for your boss to bug you after hours?"
My week:
Fri. Sept. 23, 2022 "End to Monday print edition of nine papers by Postmedia an 'important moment': expert": I found this on BNN Bloomberg:
One expert at the intersection of journalism and policy says Postmedia Network Inc.'s decision to end the Monday print edition of nine of its urban daily newspapers next month is an "important moment" for news media in Canada.
Edward Greenspon, CEO of the Public Policy Forum, says it's "more breadcrumbs" about the lack of viability of physical newspapers in the long run, but hopes it does not signal a lack of viability of news itself.
The Vancouver Sun and the Province, Calgary Herald and Calgary Sun, Edmonton Journal and Edmonton Sun, Ottawa Citizen and Ottawa Sun and the Montreal Gazette will all be affected when the move takes effect on Oct. 17. Postmedia said no jobs will be cut in its announcement earlier this week.
EPaper versions of the affected newspapers – a digital replica of the print edition – will be published on Mondays and each outlet's websites will still be updated with stories and news content.
Postmedia said it makes the move as reader habits continue to change and that it is confident in its digital offering.
Greenspon notes that Monday has always been a weak day for newspaper revenue in general, adding that physical newspapers might eventually become a "luxury item" reserved for weekends.
This report by The Canadian Press was first published Sept. 23, 2022.
My opinion: That's good to cut down on Monday because that's a thin newspaper. I looked up and found this:
May 28, 2012 "Edmonton Journal cutting Sunday paper": This is on CBC news:
Sat. Sept. 24, 2022 Jumbo Dim Sum and Dining: My family and my dad's 2 friends and I went to this Chinese restaurant for dinner. We were celebrating my grandma's birthday. We've been there before.
Pros:
1. This is a good restaurant where we ate jumbo prawns and peaches, sweet and sour pork and onions, salt and pepper pork and onions.
2. The service was good.
Cons:
1. The chopsticks are in plastic and are thrown out after use. My sister and I thought it was wasfeful.
Sept. 28, 2022 The Rookie: I saw the season 5 premiere. It was good because some of the characters go to Las Vegas for their job.
They played "Luck Be A Lady" by Frank Sinatra while they were there.
This reminds me of The Simpsons episode "Mayored to the Mob" where Homer becomes the bodyguard to Mayor Quimby.
At the 0:48 sec part:
Mark Hamill (sings): Luke be a Jedi tonight.
The Rookie: Feds: I saw the 2 The Rookie eps that were the back-door pilots to the show. I saw the pilot and I didn't like it. I predicted I wouldn't like it. There was action, but it wasn't really interesting. I will record the series and watch this in a couple of weeks.
Mom cleaning out: Yesterday my mom was cleaning and will be giving away a lot of dishware to one of her friends at her old workplace. That's good to give something you don't want to someone who wants and needs these things.
La Brea: I saw the season 2 premiere and it was good.
Spoiler alert: There are 2 characters transported to 1988 and Josh steals money from this house. He leaves a note to pay them back: "Buy Apple stock."
I told this to my little brother P and he said: "Buy Apple Computers stock."
Sept. 28, 2022 "Grammy Award-winning rapper Coolio dead at age 59": Today I found this article on CBC:
Coolio, the rapper who was among hip-hop's biggest names of the 1990s with hits including Gangsta's Paradise and Fantastic Voyage, died Wednesday at age 59, his manager said.
Coolio died at the Los Angeles home of a friend, longtime manager Jarez Posey told The Associated Press. The cause was not immediately clear.
Coolio won a Grammy for best solo rap performance for Gangsta's Paradise, the 1995 hit from the soundtrack of the Michelle Pfeiffer film Dangerous Minds that sampled Stevie Wonder's 1976 song Pastime Paradise and was played constantly on MTV.
Born Artis Leon Ivey Jr., in Monessen, Pa., south of Pittsburgh, Coolio moved to Compton, Calif. He spent some time as a teen in Northern California, where his mother sent him because she felt the city was too dangerous.
He said in interviews that he started rapping at 15 and knew by 18 it was what he wanted to do with his life, but would go to community college and work as a volunteer firefighter and in airport security before devoting himself full-time to the hip-hop scene.
My opinion: I like "Gangsta's Paradise" and "1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin' New).
